


A killer's diary

by AnyeWolf



Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnyeWolf/pseuds/AnyeWolf
Summary: The night is dark as ink tonight. I just paused for some minutes cause suddenly the sound of bombs stopped. It triggered me. And I realized that i’m so used to it, that when they stop…I miss them somehow.





	A killer's diary

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ! This is Connor's Diary, Connor is Malycia's dad, a humanoid spider and i've been workin' on him from a long time now and even if, in the happy tree story i post here (Knifes and Poison) i still wanna share with you guys the story i created around this pale figure in Malycia's shadow. So you can see wich kind of men he was.
> 
> It's a character i really liked to write and i really care for. So anyway, enough of my sugarish bullshit, let's dive head first in an ocean of bloody mud !

Where should I start… Zack keep yelling on me, that writing a diary it’s good for my “sanity”. Like if i never tried and throwed away a few diaries already… What should I write in there ? “Dear diary my name is Connor and i’m the worst shit that ever lived ?” Zack hit me, cause i’m “an asshole and I should listen to him”. That dork.

Alright. My name is Connor Greenshuk. I’m 25 years old right now… or maybe 26… Don’t care… The sky is a deep gray. It’s raining. I’m dirty. Covered of mud. Feeling like shit. And tired.

Fucking hungry…

Oh yeah, we are the 12 December 1915… Soon Christmas...

I’m a soldier. Since… ever I think. I can’t remember when was the first time I wore the uniform and I never really left it… It feels like… Being naked. Or not totally myself without it. I’m maybe a weirdo. I’m a bastard for sure.

I will stay a bastard, I saw more horrors than wonders…  
I made most of the horrors.

-13 December 1915-

Such a pain in the ass… Zack you asshole, you’re lucky you’re a good friend or I would kick your ass. I’m looking like a fucking sissy writing a diary… 

What’s the point to write that for me ? Diaries are write for who’s left. I don’t want to be left alive in that war. Neither the next. I have no one to find back. I’m an orphan. I don’t have a wife, neither childrens i don’t want any of them. I’m a spider. Spiders shouldn’t exist. 

I’m a soldier for a long time but now i’m specialised. I’m a member of the first regiment of sharpshooters with snipers. That sound great… True it is, we are most close of the a gang of littles asses with good enough eyes to shoot the head than a true regiment. At least we get along all together. We are 15 in the unity. 15 youngs mens and from all of them, i’m the older one, they call me “grandpa” fucking kids…

-15 December 1915-

Zack keep pushing me to write. Here we are. Yesterday they send us on the first line, in a hole in the ground… Tssk… Like this if we die, we are already buried. How convenient. Mick, Georges and Sipher have been killed in the move… I don’t really know why i’m fighting for… I just do it cause this is what people asked me. I heard others say that a soldier who doesn’t know why he fight for is born to die… Fine with me. This is what I want. And if I can do it with a tidy bit of honor, serving someone, whoever it is. It’s perfect.

Bombs started to explode upon ours head. I’m kinda used to it now. The others say i’m a grandpa now cause they think I doesn’t hear the bombs. Spider being deaf, grandpa spider being deaf… Ah ah… I hear them. But worse, I feel them. At least that grandpa being calm push them to stay calm.

I need to talk to Aaron. Since Mick died that dork didn’t said a word, he hold unto his gun like if it was his wife… I think it’s the first time he see the Death in the eyes…

At least in my condition, this old Lady is always in my shadow. I know her too well. I can smell her. I can see her wrap the dark sleeves of her dress around my comrade’s body… And I can see her reflection now in Aaron’s eyes…

I can’t not smell her everywhere there… Her and her atrocious smell of dust, dirt and something else. I can’t name it, it’s just… sticky.

-18 December 1915-

Aaron killed himself. We all tried to talk to him. He never answered. And this morning I found him at his post, when I was gonna take his place for the guard. He swallowed the pill they gave us in case we would be catched and made prisoner by the enemy… He drooled and died in his own vomit… Poor boy. I cleaned him like I could. He was already hard as wood. His fingers around the gun like ivy around a house… He kept his post and he’ll keep it forever. That’s what they expect from a good soldier and he was. I buried him without showing the others. They would start to lose hope. I’ll tell them what happen tho. But I won’t show them… I scratched the wall of our hole and left him there. Just put his cask on the pile. 

If god see this. Please let this boy be the last one to die.

The night is dark as ink tonight. I just paused for some minutes cause suddenly the sound of bombs stopped. It triggered me. And I realized that i’m so used to it, that when they stop…

I miss them somehow.

-19 December 1915-

I told the others, we kept silence for a minute as a pray for him. I just pray that he find back his friend somewhere… Far away of that violence. We have a new order today, especially me, the commander want me to find and “take care” of the opposite commander. 

Take care. He want me to fucking eat him. And i’m gonna do that.

As the good soldier they want me to be. But this time I know what i’m fighting for… Those kids got family, wifes and for somes, childrens to find back at home. My life doesn’t worth anything face to that and I already know what I want to do.

I want to die doing something good for them.  
I want to die doing something good for my country.  
I want to die as a good person.  
I want to die… as a hero.

Not a spider.

-24 December 1915-

Finally back. I made such a mess on the other side. I’m full for a few days and the commander have been take cared of. 

Tomorrow it’s christmas. But the guys and myself already started enjoying. The mailman got us some letters and a nice bottle of alcohol. Shitty alcohol but for what we care… We finished it in a few minutes like kitten on their mother’s titties. Kinda funny. 

They all started to read their letters. Except me of course, who would send me letters ? My friends are all here. I love seeing their eyes read and reading again those letters, coming from beloved one. They are bright like stars suddenly and filled with hope, determination, courage… Everything they need to, they find it in those letters. Coming from family and friends. Brian is gonna be a dad. He cried like a pussy and we drank in his honor. Stupid kiddo crying like a baby, it’s kinda heart warming. He yelled it so loud that the enemies on the other side started to cheer on him. Wishing him a good christmas. 

We wished good christmas to them too. And offered them a truce for tonight. 

They agreed.

-25 December 1915-

I can hear them having so much fun. They enjoying that truce, drinking together, talking about their families and stuff. Exchanging smokes, alcohol or little jokes on our countries… They talking about a nurse that got a nice ass… I can see now we are all the same. A bunch of guys with nothing less in common than entire lives.

I didn’t joined them. I don’t want to be a burden in that joy. Our hole seems so big and empty suddenly...

I’m fine hearing them have fun. Zack allowed me reading his letters. It give me some courage. I know those words aren’t for me. But seeing that my friend is loved where he come from and that he will find back his family when he’ll be back…

It’s an incredible feeling.

-26 December 1915-

Son of a bitch. We all knew yesterday that the truce was short living. We just agreed on the fact we won’t talk about it… They shooted us like rabbits. But it wasn’t the guys we were drinking with. I’m not crazy… Those munitions… those are ours. Our fucking munition killed OUR guys ! 

I know it wasn’t an accident.

The others on the other side of the line neither. They know it’s not us. I heard them talk through my webs… But it’s the same uniform than us who killed us and them. Our blood and theirs is melting in that dirt and in the snow…

And it’s the same red.

Should I say what I discovered to the others ? Or should I tell them that our enemy are on the other side of that line of ground ?

-27 December 1915-

I’m such a garbage… I didn’t tell them. I think it’s easier for them to hate our ennemy than finding the truth and hate our commander… He gave the order of course. And he’ll pay for that. I’m feeling like shit… I don’t remember when I felt clean…

I should tell them. I cannot. I don’t have to. I shouldn’t. It’s better for them.

Better for the last of us.

Brian didn’t make it. His girl isn’t already born that she’s already orphan of a father…

The commander will pay. I’ll kill him myself before the end of the war. We’re only 3 now… Zack, Eric and me…

The guys are silent. Me too. I would like to find something to cheer them on. But right now… I can’t. They can’t cheer on anything. The only thing for us now, that will keep us moving is hate, anger, rage. They will hate the guys on the other side. I will hate one guy on our side…

Our hole is getting tinier everytime we bury one of us in there… But that’s better than letting them outside to the mercy of weather and animals… 

-28 December 1915-

Eric died… Another pile of dead bodies surround our area… The smell is unbearable.

-20 January 1916-

I’m tired. So tired. I’m hungry…

-21 January 1916-

It’s rainy today… I spent my day shirtless and Zack too. He is so thin, he told me I was just like him… We looking like zombies. We’ll be dead soon… 

-30 Marsh 1916-

I wanna die. Why is this keep going… We are all born to die. And we keep shooting. 

-1 Aprils 1916-

Zack and me made a game today. Each time one of us kill someone we make a joke. The one who made the most of jokes for the end of the day will sleep all the next night.  
126 for Zack.  
104 for me.

I’ll do better next time. That dork sleep like a baby but he sneer like a bear !

-15 May 1916-

Zack have a son now, he is born the 6 April. His name is Dereck. He shared me the letter and we kept reading it a million of times. I took him in my arms telling him he will be a great father. I can wait for the war to be over, he will be so happy to find back his wife. He keep blabing about her for such a long time that I feel like I know her myself.

-16 May 1916- 

Anna is really a good girl, doesn’t matter for how long she wait Zack, she will still be there for him. Tomorrow we got a special permission for being so… effective, in our lines. Zack invited me to see his wife and son. I take it with pleasure.

-26 May 1916-

I fucked up…

I hate being a spider. I don’t know who was that girl. Never saw her before, but since she was a spider and she offered, I fucked her. I fucked her like a beast. I’m disgusting. I couldn’t resist. I have to fuck that spider cause she was a spider. Fucking smell. Fucking pheromones… Fucking spiders.

At least Zack saw his son. He was so happy. And Anna as well. I couldn’t help but admire that, i was close but at the same time so far. I know this kind of happyness isn’t for me and that’s really heartwarming to see people loving each others… Not like spiders…

-2 August 1916-

Someone told that War is for people who are bored. The one who ruled us must be bored as hell… We keep sinking in that war… Like it will never end.

-5 November 1916-

I’m tired. I’m hungry… I got another special mission. I have to sank deeper in the “enemies” line tomorrow… Wish I could die there… 

-1 January 1917-

Happy new year…

-5 Marsh 1917-

I saw that spider again. Like if she was waiting for me… I know she wasn’t… But I kinda liked it. Her name is Charlotte. I fucked her again when she offered.

I hope I can see her again when we’ll have our next permission…

-6 Aprils 1917-

Dereck got one year already, and her father and me are still there. Shooting shooting. Killing killing. Sounds almost like a lullaby…

-19 June 1917-

I dreamed about a shower tonight… It was nice and relaxing.

-20 June 1917-

It’s hot today… And rainy too, we take our shower under the rain like we could. Someone on the other side of the line was singing…

-23 June 1917-

The others kept singing and Zack joined them. 

-30 June 1917-

I joined the singers.

-2 July 1917-

Still rainy and hot. Still singing.

-5 July 1917-

I got a letter today… I can’t believe it. I thought it was a mistake when I got it… But it wasn’t, that was for me… And what was inside… Scared me. It was her, Charlotte send me a letter. She just said “I’m pregnant. C”

What have I done…

Zack cheered on me. He doesn’t understand… Charlotte is that kind of spider. The prouds one… She will eat them as soon as they coming out of the eggs… I shrug it off. For what’s matter… It’s better if she eat them all. Less spiders in the world the better. In anyway, what kind of life would they live ? Mercy killing.

Welp… Bon appétit Charlotte…

-6 July 1917-

I explained Zack why it was a bad new that Charlotte gonna have babies. I also explained why they shouldn’t live.

-7 July 1917-

It’s better for everyone if she eat them… In anyway i’m too far. I can’t do anything. It’s better this way…

-8 July 1917-

It’s better if she eat them. It’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better it’s better…

I can’t do anything…

-9 July 1917-

I had a nightmare tonight… Those… poor little things. They didn’t ask for born… They just wanted to live… And I let her do that… What should I do…

-15 July 1917-

I can’t sleep. I keep thinking to my poor babies. I don’t want them to die. I cannot raise them neither. I don’t know anything about babies!! I’m a soldier! I’m only good at war ! I cannot take care of them ! I will make them unhappy… It’s maybe better if Charlotte eat them…

My babies… I wonder what will they look like…

-16 July 1917-

Zack tell me that I’m looking like shit. He is worry cause i don’t talk anymore… I couldn’t keep it inside… I told him everything. He told me that I was getting attached to my- the babies… I cannot get attached… They would be already dead when I will come back. I cannot do anything for them…

And it sicken me.

-18 July 1917-

It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I cannot use my guns for days. I cannot focus. I keep wondering how many girls and how many boys I will have… I didn’t wanted childs… Now that I know there a part of me back in the country… I don’t want to die anymore… I want to meet them. I want to see them. I want to take them in my arms. I want to raise them. Learn them how to walk and speak…

I want to save my children…

-20 July 1917-

Zack and me talk about our childs. Anna send a letter for saying Dereck started to blabber and walk on his knees… Cute boy. I wonder if my babies will be that agile when they will be born. 

-22 July 1917-

Zack and me promised one thing, when we’ll be back of the war we will stay in touch. We want our childs to grow all together. It could be a good thing for my babies to learn soon that they can have friends. And to not eat them or bite them. It will be okay. With him on my side, I feel less alone against fate. I know I can save my children...

I’m not a grandpa anymore. Just a dad.

-23 July 1917-

Zack is dead… They gave us another mission… But someone betrayed. Before we can even get out of our hole, they shooted us… My arm his bleeding… It hurt… Zack took it in the head… My friend… Anna… Dereck... I’m so sorry.

-28 July 1917-

I sang a lot for Zack today. We talks like chicks. We kept blabbing about our children, I hope they will be good friends !

-29 July 1917-

I read once that one bad day can be enough to turn from sanity to madness… I’m talking to the dead body of my best friend. Surrounded by the corpses of my regiment. I’m alone. And It’s fucking raining again. I can tell it’s a bad day.

I cannot lose my sanity. 

I want my childs. And i’ll make it to them a way or another. I’ll kill Charlotte if I have to. I got a plan.

-1 September 1917-

I killed all the mens on the other side of the ground. The first hole i found, i sneaked in, and i killed them all. Bare hands. I killed them like birds. I killed them all and I know they are gonna reward me for that. I don’t need reward. I need a permission. To go back. And save my babies. I’ll get what I deserve tonight.

The eggs are probably already born. I don’t have a lot of time. Zack please, watch over them ‘til i’m there.

-2 September 1917-

Hang on kids, daddy will be there soon.

-3 September 1917-

I left my hole last night, as soon as I got the permission. Bombs falled that day and a little kitty nurse was there, injured. I bring her back with me. I asked her all the things she knew about how take care of babies…

I hugged her dearly and took all her precious advice before leaving. That train seems so slow...

-15 September 1917-

I made it. I made it !! I’m home ! I saved them ! Only 2 on the 15 but it’s better than nothing. I saved them. I will keep them safe from now on! I can’t believe it. They are so warm and… full of life in my arms… They are so tiny. One of the eggs is cracked. I noticed it only now. My little baby inside kept her egg closed. She felt the danger maybe ? I hope she is okay. Now you’re safe my precious baby, you can come out.

-16 September 1917-

I builded our house all the week. One of my little one kept moving happily everytime I talked. I hope she is happy. I hope she know daddy gonna protect her. The one with the cracked egg tho… She doesn’t move at all. I’m worried. Should I took her out ? Are she hurt ? Spider come out of their eggs alone but… I don’t know. Kitty cat nurse didn’t knew about baby spiders.

I should find names.

-17 September 1917-

My first baby came out of her egg today ! She ripped it with her little mandible and came out all alone like a big girl ! Cracked one still not move… Zack would know what to do… I made traps all around the house. To keep us safe.

I should really find names !

-18 September 1917-

Charlotte tried to find us. I knew she would. She didn’t appreciate that I knock her down and stole the babies. She want to eat them. I knew it. I know it… But still i cannot kill her. How could I take their mother to my babies… My girlies should have a mom right ?

I find names. My little Lucie keep growing. She’s nothing but goofball and smiles… My little Malycia still don’t move. I’m sickenly worried… Is she alright ? I want to open the egg but it’s a bad idea… If I take her out before she’s fully okay for it… It could kill her. Malycia, you’re gonna give daddy white hairs, please come out soon.

I need to put more traps.

-19 September 1917-

Malycia still don’t move… When I think back to it, I founded her on the ground. Did I stepped on her ? Charlotte did it ? Why was she on the ground ? Did she fall ? Are she hurt ? Please Malycia, you and your sister are the only thing left. Please be okay. Come out.

Lucie is hungry, so am I. I need to find some meat...

-20 September 1917-

I saw her ! She hided back but I saw her ! Malycia came out of her egg today ! Lucie was holding into her and she came out ! She hided when she saw me. Maybe I did stepped on her ? I hope that wasn’t me… She’s alive. My girly is alive !

-21 September 1917-

I called the kitty nurse, she will know what to do. Malycia keep hiding, i’m wondering if she is injured. My permission will be over soon, I need to find a solution for hiding and feeding them til the end of the war…

I need more meat.

-22 September 1917-

Malycia bite the doc when she pulled her out of the egg. I was right, she was injured. Her arm was all turned in bad shape. The nurse told me that someone throw her on the ground… So I didn’t stepped on her… Charlotte throwed her. She throwed Malycia on the ground but… why ? Did she knew she was awake and gonna come out soon ? Did she lost patience ? Lucie was far more tinier than her when I took them and she came out first.

I’m sure Malycia felt the danger and hided cause it was the only thing to do.  
Good girl.

-23 September 1917-

Maly tried to go back in her egg. But she ain’t fitting in it anymore ! It was kinda funny. I could see her feet get out of it. Couldn’t help but tease her a little. Everytime i touched her feets she show her mouth and spit on me. Lucie seems to be the only one she trust from that far. When she’s not in her egg, she hold unto her and hide her face. Lucie and her was probably next to each others, they recognize the heartbeat of the other…

I’ll let her come to me at her rate.

I’m happy but also… worry. The war is still on, so we find fresh meat everywhere but… What will I do when it will be over ? I need to feed Lucie and Malycia… God please help me…

I’m a coward. I don’t want to harm innocent but… My girls need to eat. And I need to be in shape for protecting them from Charlotte…

Please… God help me.

-24 September 1917-

I had an idea this night, while the girls were asleep. I can serve myself in prisons. Those criminals did bad things for ending in there, they won’t be a big loss to anyone… 

Charlotte came by. She fall in my traps and find a way to get rid of it, but it worked, she was injured… I keep wondering how could I fuck this woman… I deeply hate her for trying to took my girls away from me… She will have to kill me first. She won’t have my girls.

-25 September 1917-

Malycia made her first tooth ! I saw it ! Pointy little sharp tooth when she sneezed on me… My fault actually, I booped her nose. But I heard her sneeze once and it was adorable. Lucie start walking on her feets and arms. She’s looking like a little centipede. She tried to run but her legs goes faster than her arms and she did a nice roll ! Those two are so agile for their age. Or maybe it’s this way for spiders ? I don’t know. My girls are the bests anyway…

-30 September 1917-

They are so hungry… So eagger both of them. I now they are young and need a lot to grow but still… At this rate we aren’t gonna last long…

-10 November 1917-

It’s over, there’s no more prisoner… I tried to give them less food and see them craving, hear them cry broke my heart. Poor littles things… My poor littles girls… What can I do… There’s nothing left to eat… They freed me from my duties as a soldier. Because I had done enough… They gave me money… But money can’t buy what I need for them… I’ll try to buy some pacifier, maybe it will do the job ? Or something to cuddle ? I don’t know. Hear them cry drive me crazy…

-11 November 1917-

It’s weird. I stood up in the middle of the night because i wasn’t hearing them cry anymore. And I found them, Lucie lost conscious… And Maly was staring at me harshly. I felt… like shit. She expected me to keep her sister alive and healthy and I couldn’t… I felt like she judged me. She kept holding her sis until she wake up. She was hungry as well, but she was stronger than her sister…

I’m wondering… If she view me as her father or as a monster…

I cried. It couldn’t keep going this way. My Lucie is starving. I need to find something.

God forgive me.

I need to find more meat. Or… maybe there’s another way ?

-12 November 1917-

I’m quivering of my own thought… I cannot do that. I love them both so much… My precious Lucie and my dear Malycia… How can I even… I can’t. I have to… Or innocent will die. I have to. I will kill them tonight and then kill myself. My old weapon is still in the cave. I’ll make it quick. They won’t feel any pain…

God please free me from this hell. Please take my precious girls with you where they will never know hunger and will never have to kill innocent peoples to survive!! Please. I’m begging you oh lord… Take me in hell. Punish me as I deserve. Please let my girls in… They are so young. They never did something wrong… 

They just born spiders...

Malycia… Lucie… Your dad love you so much, that’s why i’m gonna kill you two tonight. There’s nothing else we can do. I was fool to think I could provide you what you needed… I love you so dearly… My precious treasures. My loves… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

I’m so sorry. I love you.

-18 November 1917-

I’m taking this stupid diary only because… I got no one else to talk to… Zack told me once that it will keep my sanity. Zack… It feels like if he was part of another life… But he was my friend and if he believed that… I hope it will works… I did it. I committed the unforgivable.

I did it. I killed an innocent… And i’ll keep doing it. That’s my curse, that’s our curse. As a spider… I couldn’t kill my girls… I love them to much… I couldn’t. 

When I took the gun last night, and pointed it on their heads… I couldn’t even see their faces… They are so small. So pure. So… innocent.

I know the future will make them the monsters. I know they will have to kill. Maybe a lot of innocent person. Maybe entire family. And even if I knew that… I couldn’t kill them…

I falled on the floor and start crying. Cursing my fate, cursing my nature. Cursing and cursing. Crying. I think i was gonna lose my head… And then something happened.

Malycia woke up. She saw the gun. She looked at me. Those purple eyes, i’m wonder where did she took them. Her mother’s are red, Lucie got them red too. I got grey eyes… This purple… I don’t know where she took that but that make her eyes so… intense. She pinned me with that look of hers… I felt guilt. I felt like shit. Garbage. I just wanted to laid on the floor and disappear. 

She walked on her hands and feet, she didn’t do it before. She did it this precise night and she crushed unto me. She grabbed my jacket and climbed on me like… like a pro. She used the pockets of my uniform to climb until she reached my face. And she just stared at me. I couldn’t help but cry… She was so precious and she didn’t know how much it broke me to left her and her sis starve like this…

And she did something. She did something that saved my life.

She kissed my nose. Usually she try to bite me, she doesn’t let me touch her… And there, for a reason I couldn’t understand. She felt the need to come to me and she kissed my nose…

That’s the stupidest and also adorable thing someone ever did to me. I hugged her and I promised I won’t let her fall… Neither her sister.

-19 November 1917- 

If I have to be the monster, I’ll be the monster for them. Lucie, Malycia, your daddy love you, whatever I do, i’ll do it for you.

-20 November 1917-

Another prey. I kill them quickly just before the house, this way the girls don’t see it and won’t develop those murderous instinct. I don’t want them to become like their mother. Lucie start to try climbing, I gave her a spot safe to climb but she don’t want to use it. Maybe because she don’t want to fall on pillows ? Malycia is more careful. She use it and she started to sneak in my bed, taking her sis with her, now every night they sleep with me together…

I’m feeling happy. Despite everything. 

-15 January 1918-

Lucie lost her first tooth ! Now they both walking like grown girls. Lucie start babling all the day, Maly stay silent and she start to weave everywhere in the house… I should show her how to do it properly. Lucie is such a goofball, as soon as I don’t watch she run closer to me and if I watch again she froze. She keep going until she reached me. 

-8 Marsh 1918-

First time they go outside. I took them both with me to pass the traps and show them a lake I discovered a bit more deep in our forest. Maly didn’t want to go and stayed with me. Lucie started running everywhere as soon as I put her down. It’s funny how these two are so different.

-1 April 1918-

We played hide and seek today ! Lucie isn’t very good at it, she can’t help but giggle. Maly hide herself in a tree. I didn’t find her before the night and she weaved little webs around the area of her trees. She become good at that. I should learn her how to wave traps… Soon their smell will goes stronger, until then… I need to learn them how to defend themselves…

-2 April 1918-

Charlotte came back. Malycia saw her. I know she saw her cause she forbidden us to get out for the day. She weaved so much on the doors and windows that it was impossible to get out. It took me three hours to get rid of her webs. I explained her I will be okay, to stay safe inside that I will come back soon. She looked at me. Those eyes are so clear and pretty. I kissed her and she smiled at me…

I should buy something to take photos. To keep these moment forever.

-12 April 1918-

I heard that, little rascal ! I don’t know since when, but Lucie try to learn Maly to talk ! And Maly try but it doesn’t look like words. Just baby blabbing. That’s so cute. Those two got voices like singing birds. Lucie will grown to be a little chubby girl, she already got a little pudgy tummy. Our favorite game is when I pretend eating her and make fart noise on her belly. She giggle like a mad and even Maly roll on the floor from laughing so much.

I feel like the luckiest man in the world the night. When it’s calm. When nothing can scare any of us. Since they sleep with me I stopped having nightmare… Those babies, my dear children are my chance of redemption. I can do something else than kill… I can love. I can learn and I can raise them. Despite the food… I feel at peace with myself. 

-3 July 1918-

They both lost all their baby tooth ! Now they gonna grow so fast. Lucie is already one head taller than her sister. She already got an instinct who marveled me, she protect her sister everytime we go out. Malycia is still chetive and small. But that’s okay. I know it’s natural. She eat just as much as her sister, and she is still in a healthy weigh. Just a little feather are you Maly ?

-15 July 1918-

I buyed some books and toys today. I keep being marveled by how different Lucie and Malycia are. They stay superglued to each others despite that fact. Lucie prefer books, fairy tale. Malycia prefer toys, cuddle toys. She grabbed into that grey teddy bear and refused to let it go from now on. She take him everywhere. 

None of them gave a look to that yellow giraf, i was sure they would like it. Now I know teddy bears aren’t best sellers for nothing…

Should I take them to school when they will be older ?

-30 August 1918-

I won’t bring them to school. That’s too dangerous. Charlotte keep coming, I still beat her. But if she learn the girls go to school, she will try to kill them there. Sorry Lucie, Sorry Malycia, you will have only the company of your old man until you are grown up.

I finally brought what I need to take photo ! This thing is fantastic ! It never leave me whenever we go now !

-20 November 1918-

First birthday for my little cuties ! I spoiled them with cuddle toys and books. Malycia jumped in the pile with her loyal grey Teddy. I heard her name him Caudy. 

I build a pillow fort with them and we all spended the night here, reading books. Malycia throw me Caudy in the face and ask me to kiss him with those silly noises she keep making. When I think to it… It’s a shame Charlotte isn’t able to go through her murderous instinct, she will never know that joy. 

When they both are exhausted from too much game and book, laid against each other and curled around me… It feel like paradise can exist on earth…

-30 August 1919-

I didn’t took that diary for a long time… I don’t really need it anymore. My girls talk, we started to learn how to read and write. The house is full of books, Malycia finally started to read them. She still got a passion for cuddle toys. It’s a pain in the ass when I have too wash Caudy… Tears and tears until he is dry. I should have take a second one for this kind of emergency.

Now they got they own room. Lucie prefer the room upstairs, Malycia choose the cave. My girlies are such a cuties...

I go on my comrade’s grave, every year. I give them the most pretty flowers I can found. Everytime by night. I don’t think any one want to see me around. Since the war is over I have been “thanked”. A way to say “No we don’t want to hear about you anymore, unless a new war comes”.

That’s fine. I’m still a soldier, I still wear my uniform and I will never left it. Now my battle is to make my girls grow as healthy and normal as possible. My war is against our fate as a spider. It’s not winned yet, but I won’t lose without a fight.

God as my witness, I won’t give up without a fight.

-18 September 1922-

I have to go far and more far for find our food. Or sooner or later people will learn that comes from us and chase us. I have to left the house for a few days. But i’m not worried anymore. Lucie is strong and she’s very good a protect her sister. Malycia make so much sophisticated traps that she put me to shame !

I’m so proud of my cuties… I should learn them some of my moves as a soldier… It’s always useful. They got only 5 years old but compared to the others kids they are far more developed. Fast life is the life of a spider.

-18 December 1924-

I made a mistake… When i went to the next’s city prison, my prey was talking with a woman, probably it’s wife. And she saw me. I had to follow her in her house and take her too… I made it quick and silent, she only let out a little scream… That poor lady was only a bystander, but she cold have put me and my girls in danger...

-20 December 1924-

Something happened today. I smelled something new around our house, and the girls smelled it too. It’s a child’s smell… How is it possible. Childs never come here… It’s a bear child. Whatever you do there little boy, you should better leave. That’s not a place for you. 

-22 December 1924-

Malycia asked me something… It broke my heart. She’s the more curious one about this child. He is still there somewhere. He don’t come close for now, I think he saw the traps. But he is still there.

Malycia smell him all around the place when the day is clear. She told me he come by night. She asked me, if he was a friend that came for them… She asked me… if that friend will come for Christmas…

Please bear boy… Leave. Don’t make my girls hope for you.

-1 January 1925-

I tried to scare the little boy by looking mean and putting more traps… That dumb head doesn’t seems to be afraid. Or he probably don’t care. Maybe he smelled my girls as well ? That’s the first time they smell someone of their age, it trigger them. But I wonder if it’s because they want to eat him or just… know who it is. They never knew something else than me before. Charlotte yes. They know her smell and it become a joke. Everytime she comes by Lucie and Malycia can’t help but giggle when she fall in our traps. She isn’t very clever…

That boy tho… what does he want…

-3 Marsh 1925-

I founded Malycia outside today. Lucie don’t care about the boy anymore. But Malycia… She always have been so shy and spend entire day to play alone with Caudy. Hiding herself behind her hairs… Why would she go outside for that bear ?

She’s talking to him. But the day he isn’t there, she still try tho. I wonder what she want… I’m afraid that she want a friend… cause that’s something she can’t have.

The boy’s smell remind me something, but I can’t put my finger on it… I know I should chase him away from us. But I got the feeling he will still come back… I don’t want to kill a child…

-3 Aprils 1925-

It’s been many months that boy is here somewhere. I cannot find him. He’s quick as wind and silent as a shadow… I think i’m getting old too… My nose isn’t that good anymore. I know he is still here cause Malycia still smell him. She spend days outside with Caudy, blabbing about her cuddles toys and how soft they are. She call him Mister Fastbear. I heard her offer one of her precious plush to him if he showed up… My girly want a friend… Everyday Maly is outside and Lucie watch over her… Lucie is uneasy to know that bear boy, the stranger she call him, is still around. She keep asking me questions about him. Question I cannot answ-

Weird… It smell like… gasoline. Does my mind trick me ?

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and feedback are always appreciated, thanks if you take time, if you not, still have a nice day ! ♥


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